Spring forward, fall back...

The clocks go back tomorrow. Unless it’s forward. Or next week. Whatever. One way or another, Hurlmere’s going to be gloomier and more depressing for, oh, about the next six sodding months. Soon the sun will set just after lunch - with nothing but game shows and lame comedies on TV to keep us from the existential, all-pervading dark.

The Lake District Escape Line (0870 224 1856), which opens today, apparently, includes seven recordings to “evoke a warmer era”. What could be more summery (the press release gushes) than the sound of Lake Windermere lapping against a jetty, the gush of Aira Force Waterfall, or fresh air whistling across Scafell Pike?

Well, how about some of the real sounds that typify the Lakeland life? Like the ker-ching of a cash register, as you’re being overcharged, yet again, by an avaricious shop-keeper or pub landlord? Or a jet flying over your house at an altitude of 20 feet, with a terrifying roar that sounds like a thermo-nuclear device being detonated inside your skull?